wildcat

I think it's important to document my feelings upon my discovery that, yes, Angelina Jolie is playing Grendel's Mother. Now, keep in mind that I'm not sure why they needed to follow up Beowulf & Grendel (the greatest love story never told?) with, um, another movie about Beowulf, but they cast Angelina Jolie as Grendel's Mother. Do I actually have to see this movie now? I mean, do I? Because I wasn't going to before, but now I'm modestly curious and will probably be forced to see this while very, very fucking drunk at the Roxy Cinegog (Where films are a religion yadda yadda) and it may usurp Troy (starring Brad Pitt's Thighs) from the coveted position of "Most Amusingly Disturbing Subtext & Please Stop the Eye Bleeding." Still:

1. I'm telling you. Baz Luhrmann's Beowulf and Grendel. With music, dancing, and jump cuts. Just watch out for Hrothgar's showstopping solo in the second act. Possibly Wes Anderson could guest-direct the end sequence with Beowulf's funeral pyre.

2. Why does this somehow confirm every snarky joke we made while reading Beowulf in high school? And why I can't I think of Angelina Jolie without imagine Andrew Smart performing his breakout role as Lady Capulet?

3. Now, this has absolutely nothing to do with Christian making me watch Oedipus Rex as performed by vegetables (and just wait for the scene of a potato performing graphic and incestuous cunnilingus on a tomato to be burnt into what little sanity might remain with you), but really -- Jolie has to do Jocasta next, right? Alexander the Great's mother, Grendel's mother, Oedipus's mother? Right?