1. Even when the shit's everywhere, there are moments - she hasn't got a name, but this one character's dialogue clicks for me. I want her to be a space angel, a messiah for messiahs.
The woman, motherly, sighing, half-smiling but mostly frustrated, ran her thumb over the smooth glass and smirked at him as the gun's opened mouth did. "We come from a world of beautiful rocket scientists, Doctor. I'm afraid you've been lost amid Earth's strange wars and disintegrating bodies." She stroked the gun and held it up until it caught the gullies of putrid light and shone like vibrant crystals. "This is not a gun."
2. The movements and blocking is difficult to grasp right now, with this story. This will probably be the very first issue to be dealt with when the second draft is cracked.
3. Other issue is the characters, how they relate. They're cyphers in service to the story.
Comments (3)
A messiah for messiahs! You realize you're a genius. I've been trying to think up a name for her; it's got to be Biblical, that much is for certain. I'm thinking Esther, a Jewish queen in the Old Testament who prevented a genocide of her people mainly due to her good looks. Jezebel would be nice too, though her dreadful end -- shoved out a window by command of a prophet and then eaten by dogs -- may not be the symbolism you want. Naomi? Mary (no, too obvious)? Rahab was a prostitute-spy (Babalonyian I think); I've always been fond of her.
Posted by joy | March 5, 2007 1:46 AM
Posted on March 5, 2007 01:46
I think I've called her Lilith as a stand-in until I find a better one; Rahab is interesting, so is Esther. I'll decide between the two today.
Might send you the horrible first draft once it's done, Joy, so you can give me some vague thoughts. The pacing's all wrong, nothing's fleshed out enough, but that paragraph there is one of the reasons I don't want to let it go.
Posted by ben | March 5, 2007 8:36 AM
Posted on March 5, 2007 08:36
That paragraph is a glittering gem! Of course you must finish. Send me the draft posthaste.
Posted by joy | March 5, 2007 3:31 PM
Posted on March 5, 2007 15:31