Superman said it so it must be true.
The Phoenix Theatre's production of Hippies and Bolsheviks was NOT about hippies or bolsheviks, not really - it was about my desperate Seas-of-Despair need to piss. For forty minutes while the play meandered through various cliches about the Nineteen Sixties I was possessed by a Urinating Desire, an unfufilled dream of free toilets and toilet paper. It did not help that they drank tea poured loudly from a tea pot, or that it was supposed to be raining outside with a leaky roof and it kept drip-drip-dripping into pots around the stage. It did not help that they talked about water so much. I muttered "Oh GOD" to Joy over and over, every sound they made surged through my bladder, Steph thought I hated her armpits because I hunched over so vehemently! So I gave up, I gave up waiting for that porno close-up shot or that final fade to black and just WENT FOR IT, stumbling over people People PEOPLE and their endless bags, and I went to the bathroom and I sat on the toilet and I monologued on my own, which is what I do when I'm hunched forward with my pants around my ankles and my digestive system in FULL SWING. Afterward, sated, I watched the rest of the play standing up and didn't care about the weakness in my knees, because my bladder was finally irrevocablly EMPTY.
The play itself was badly written, but the acting was decent and the male lead had a brilliant hot ass displayed in a pair of ridiculous hip-hugger jeans. It's hard to do a period piece when the clothing is STILL IN STYLE. Fuckers. I hope they burn.
We tried to start editing "How to Be Popular" today, but technical errors plagued us and we ended up in Felicita's drinking several pitchers of beer. I wonder about that. Tomorrow afternoon we will return in earnest to FUCK THAT SHIT UP and produce some high quality art. We will take no prisoners. We will accept no substitutes.
Comments (7)
I hate actors. no, really, I REALLY and truly do. probably the reason why I can't stand the thought of even *going* to live theatre any more.
Posted by caroline | January 27, 2005 3:27 AM
Posted on January 27, 2005 03:27
They are a remarkably bizarre species, yes. Myla described a group of actors she saw once as all-consuming, each one desperate to have a little more oxygen than anyone else.
Posted by ben | January 27, 2005 10:51 AM
Posted on January 27, 2005 10:51
You didn't invite me for pitchers and theater? Poopy.
Posted by michael | January 27, 2005 12:19 PM
Posted on January 27, 2005 12:19
Well, we WERE supposed to be editing, and you're supposed to be getting better. :P
Posted by ben | January 27, 2005 12:40 PM
Posted on January 27, 2005 12:40
ahaha! Ben, you're going to be known, from now on, as the guy who doesn't invite people! ahah! :D
Posted by caroline | January 27, 2005 6:15 PM
Posted on January 27, 2005 18:15
Hey, I've seen this quote around -- that you used as your headline -- and it's a great quote so it's driving me crazy that I don't know exactly where it's from.... is this really a Superman quote? Which book? Which issue? What story? What writer? Any ideas?
The quote in question:
These "no-nonsense" solutions of yours just don't hold water in a complex world of jet-powered apes and time travel.
Drop me an email or leave a comment on my site if you have any clues...
thanks!
(this is a funny post you've got here, by the way. good stuff.)
Posted by Brachish | March 1, 2005 9:10 PM
Posted on March 1, 2005 21:10
Actually, I think I just found the answer:
JLA: Classified #3
Written by the great Grant Morrison (shoulda know it would be him).
I've never heard of this mini-series, though... maybe I should check it out?
Cool.
Posted by Brachish | March 1, 2005 9:13 PM
Posted on March 1, 2005 21:13