The Fear is not so much a concrete form as a nightmare afterthought, symbolized in the mundane: a weightless one-yen coin; empty cigarette packs, crushed underfoot; sad cats. Think about what we represent, they scream: motionless.
But I digress.
What I really wanted to get into today was the concept of Grandmother Names. My name, Joy, can be considered a Grandmother Name -- so too can Gertrude, Grace, Ruby, etc. -- basically anything old-fashioned. How cool will it be in sixty years when the Grandmothers are named things like Tiffany and Britney and Brandi!
(specifically for Steph -- you will love this one!)
I had my first day of training for my new job yesterday, and I was -- drum roll! -- one hour and 45 minutes LATE! Those of you who know me only slightly will understand that even to be five minutes late, for anything, is a bit of a crisis for me.
What happened was, I had a meticulous travel schedule planned out, which would see me at the required station a full 15 minutes early, as is my wont. The commute takes about an hour, and things started smoothly enough, but with a mere 20 minutes left, someone threw himself in front of the train, and I was stranded in some unknown place as all the lines were halted and clean-up took place. I was freaking out and called my employer, only the roar of the station was so loud I could only shout out my name, and occasionally hear things like, "So, you're saying you're going to be late." (Agony!)
I was in an unfamiliar part of the city -- Yokohama, actually, not Tokyo -- so I had no ideas about alternate transport. I decided the best course of action was to compulsively smoke at the end of the platform, and gulp at the bottled coffee I'd brought a long.
After twenty minutes or so I saw a couple of white guys milling about on the platform. Tokyo etiquette bans foreigners from approaching other foreigners, aside from in a bar, for any reason -- long story -- so I wasted another ten minutes and finally threw my dignity to the tracks and came up, lit yet another smoke, and said, "Any idea what's going on with the train?"
Against all odds, they were heading for training at the same company as I, and all we knew was that we were now quite late, the tracks would take at least two hours to clear, and none of us knew Yokohama well enough to walk through the city looking for an alternate train route. We'd decided to spend a pleasant morning together smoking cigarettes and spinning yarns about our hometowns, when a Japanese guy with excellent English came up and offered to take us with him to another station. We accepted, received our white tickets from the station-masters (issued in cases like these, which you show to your employer to prevent any disciplinary action for tardiness), and off we went.
[ NOW ]
Current mood: Thoughtful
Current music: The Magnetic Fields
Current taste: In my mouth? Coffee I guess.
Current hair: Brunette
Current clothes: Jeans, brown hoodie, knee-high argyle socks, corderoy cap.
Current annoyance: My teeth.
Current smell: Leftover smoothie in the famous CUSTARD-COLOURED BLENDER.
Current thing I should be doing: Finding some place to print out and fax my new health insurance application. Ugh. You have no idea how complicated this will be.
Current windows open: None
Current desktop picture: A picture Michael took at the Dallas Rd. Beach last summer showing Matt, Russ, and Ryan playing guitars.
Current favorite band: Whoever Tom Waits plays with on Blue Valentine.
Current book: Just finished a Charles Bukowski book. I forget the title. "Fac-to-Turn"? Normally I don't like Bukowski much but this one was great!
Current cd in stereo: No stereo! I think that Tom Waits is in the record player though, and the Dandy Warhols is in the computer cd thingie.
Current crush: Matt
Current favorite celeb: I'm going to have to go with Britney Spears. I can't believe how the media, and her ex, are treating her at the moment. It's appalling.
[ DO YOU.. ]
Smoke?: Grr. Yes. Trying to quit.
Do drugs?: No, not since moving to Japan, where ALL drugs are illegal.
Have a dream that keeps coming back?: No. I had a totally weird dream last night though. Mike Morisson of all people was in it. He had this girlfriend in the dream, and she got really angry at me and stubbed out a cigarette on my stomach (I was wearing a swim suit) and spit on me! I don't think it can even HAVE an interpretation.
Remember your first love?: Yes, Sam the Church Bus Driver. I was six, he was 30 or so. Once, he talked to me, and gave me a notebook and pencil. I never really got over him.
Still love him/her?: Alas, no.
Read the newspaper?: Yes, every day.
Have any gay or lesbian friends?: Yes. To this day, one of my favourite voice-mail messages ever: "Joy? Do you want to come for brunch? With the faggots?"
Believe in miracles?: Yes
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: Yes
Consider yourself tolerant of others?: No. I'm working on this.
Consider love a mistake?: No
Like the taste of alcohol?: Very much! Scotch is probably the best for raw taste. Mixed, I like a gin and tonic.
Have a favorite candy?: No, I don't like candy. Wait. Wine gums are okay.
Believe in astrology?: Yes
Believe in magic?: Yes
Believe in God?: Yes, but as Elisa said, not in the traditional sense.
Have any pets: No. I need to be a more responsible person before I have another pet, one who sees to getting pet insurance and actually fucking noticing and doing something about it when the pet gets sick.
Go to or plan to go to college: I went to college and got a BFA. In the future, I'd like to get either an MFA, a post-graduate diploma in Publishing, or learn some kind of trade, like reflexology or counseling.
Have any piercings?: No. The ones in my ears grew over. My cool eyebrow piercing had to be removed years ago.
Have any tattoos?: No
Hate yourself: Not today!
Have an obsession?: Books
Have a secret crush?: Just of the celebrity variety.
Have a best friend?: Yes
Wish on stars?: Shooting stars, yes.
[ LOVE LIFE ]
Ever been in love?: Yes
When did you lose your virginity?: 19
Do you believe in love at first sight?: I definitely think it can happen, but maybe Intrigue at first sight is more common ....
Do you believe in "the one?": Yes. Why not?
Describe your ideal significant other: Nurturing and intelligent.
[ETC]
Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?: Yes, poker and Scrabble..
Have you ever been intoxicated?: Yes
Have you ever been caught "doing something?": Almost. In a playground at night! It was bizarre.
Are you a tease?: Not usually, no.
Shy to make the first move?: Always!
[ APPEARANCE ]
Hair: Brunette
Eyes: Blue
Height: 5' 2"
[ LAST THING.. ]
Bought: Strawberries, coffee, and bananas.
Ate & Drank: Coffee and a smoothie.
Read: Some stories on the Globe and Mail.
Watched on TV: Something on National Geographic about transvestites in India.
[ EITHER OR.. ]
beer or cider: Beer. Canadian beer.
drinks or shots: Drinks
cats or dogs: Dogs
single or taken: Taken
pen or pencil: Always, always a pen.
gloves or mittens: Fingerless gloves!
food or candy: Food, absolutely.
cassette or cd: I like records, lately.
coke or pepsi: Coke
[ WHO DO YOU WANT TO.. ]
kill: Nobody. Well, certain political figures, yes, but if it actually came down to it there is no way I would kill them. I would probably make them listen to Noam Chomsky for hours ...
get really wasted with: My friends.
look like: Scarlett Johansen, bodywise anyway. I think she has the perfect female form.
avoid: My landlady.
[ LAST PERSON YOU.. ]
saw: A guy from the House.
talked to on the phone: Matt, I think.
hugged: Matt
instant messaged: Matt. :)
kissed: Um, Matt again.
[ HAVE YOU EVER.. ]
Drank alcohol?: Yes
Done drugs?: Yes, but not in this country where they are so-very-illegal ...
Broken the law?: Yes. Nothing major. Public intoxication, stealing street signs. Never charged though.
Run away from home?: Kind of. Jeordyn and I ran away for a few hours when we were about 8 and 10.
Broken a bone?: Yes. A ghost pushed me down the stairs and I broke my collar bone when I was 2.
Played Truth Or Dare?: Yes, quite a bit as a teenager actually.
Kissed someone you didn't know?: No. One day somebody I didn't know kissed me though. I was standing in front of Paul's Motor Inn back when you used to be able to do karaoke there, and a guy walking past just leaned in and kissed me on the cheek and asked what my name was and made a comment about the weather and then moved on.
Been in a fight?: Yes
Come close to dying?: I don't think so.
[ WHAT IS.. ]
Your bedroom like?: Kind of small, but with neat tatami mat flooring. Very Japanese.
Your favorite thing for breakfast?: Eggs with red pepper and green onions. Or coffee. Or strawberry-banana smoothies.
Your favorite restaurant?: In Japan? Not sure. There's this cheap Italian place I like. A Chinese place down by the station. The rotating sushi bar. Nothing super-cool.
What's on your bedside table?: I have no bedside table cuz I don't have a BED. I miss beds. Futons are illogical, to me.
What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night?: Leftover pizza.
What is your biggest fear?: Various health paranoia.
Describe your bed: Well, it's a futon. As we know, I have mixed feeling about futons.
Spontaneous or plan?: Both
Do you know how to play poker?: Yes -- Texas Hold-em
What do you carry with you at all times?: Phone, keys, money, cigs, camera, book, notebook, many green pens, ID.
How do you drive?: Poorly, as it turned out ...
What do you miss most about being little?: Having someone cook for me. Sometimes I'm too lazy to cook and then I get all angsty.
Are you happy with your given name? Yes, it rules. It's like a gramma name. I like the incongruity.
What color is your bedroom? The walls are white. Sigh. I would like them to green, orange or purple.
Have you ever been in a play? Yes, in high school.
Do poor, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you? Of course not! Junkies annoy me, but other than that, street people make me more angry at the Establishment than anything else, blah blah bleeding heart liberal blah blah --
Do you consider yourself to be a nice person? It depends. In my usual state, I am. When I am surrounded by a negative situation, or person, though, I can respond in the same vein. I'm trying to work on this. Especially on my perception of what constitutes 'negative.'
fin!
A beer, Chinese food: urban camouflage. Tomorrow there will be new birds singing and new books written. Matt's grandfather owned a trailer park in Middle Canada and bootlegged whiskey on the side; he tells Masa and Masa cheers, hefts his pack of smokes. Then he pours a shot of Jack Daniels from his stash behind the bar and asks, mildly surprised, "You two still together?" Later, he shows me an antique German typewriter and I nearly sob. All this time I'm wearing argyle.
The other morning this dude was watching a movie in the lounge room and Matt absently joined him and I did some laundry and then came back and it turned out the movie was Wall Street. Have any of you people seen this movie? I watched it for about a second and then said, "My God. Is Charlie Sheen and Michael Douglas really a wise combination?" Matt laughed but the original dude didn't. Then Matt started making up a song then went something like "Montage! Moooooooooooooontage!" because there was this horrible montage filled with fast-talking insider traders having drinks and wooing women and darting about darkened streets in cabs. I laughed but again, the other dude didn't find it funny. I went to go read Graham Greene but gave up. He just doesn't do it for me. Surprisingly, though: I'm digging the Bukowski!
God, what a gong show yesterday! Joe and I started things at noon, innocently enough, by heading to Shinjuku with the intention of taking twenty photographs each, based on 20 words we had selected. Needless to say this did NOT HAPPEN, as we found ourselves in a park where people were getting plastered under cherry trees. Getting plastered under cherry trees is an actual national holiday in Japan. So we went to a terrifying underground convenience store and bought some wine, then drank it in the park, then bought some more, and some more and some more and some more ....... I tried, belatedly, to pace myself cuz at 9pm that night my Goodbye Party was scheduled to happen. Pacing? What is pacing? We went for Italian and I became adamant that we arrive at the party wearing masks. We bought masks. We stood beside the elevator at my former place of employment and screamed at people as they came off. I made an enemy for life! My ex-boss's wife. Plus a lesbian tried to make out with my mask, while I was wearing it. That is no more or less complicated than it sounds. Then I was having a cigarette with this former co-worker whom I've never really seen eye to eye with, and she's never really seen eye to eye with me, but we're both smokers, and then I drunkenly dropped my lit cigarette into her expensive Louis Vitton bag, and the two of us were frantically tearing all the stuff out of her bag trying to find it so things wouldn't burn, and we're in Japan and there's like an entire life spread out on the pavement, and it turns out I've dropped the cigarette beside the bag so there was no danger after all. Later, I have an intense conversation with an Aquarian who has always fascinated me, only I called him Evil. He took it as a compliment, but today, I feel bad. Who gets drunk and calls people Evil? Anyway, my favourite picture -- it is out of focus but I don't care --
The last two days of my life have been lost to three men: JD Salinger, Raymond Carver, and Ian McEwan. I can't pick my favourite cuz I don't believe in viewing art as competition. What am I talking about? Of course I do. In that case: the winner is Salinger, by far. Long live see more glass.
Reminds me of the old Moxy Fruvous song, My Baby Loves a Bunch of Poets ....
Swung round Yoyogi Park in Harajuku today to take pictures of the cosplay. Not only did I find the usual Goth Lolitas and Maids -- there were also no less than THREE troupes of dancing Elvis Impersonators! Here's the two Lolitas I like best:
Then I went shopping and bought a pack of playing cards with naked girls on the back because they reminded me of the ones Mike Little used to have. Also, I bought knee-high camo nylons.
Good night with Joe the other day: Heaven's Door for drinks, then two beer-soaked hours at karaoke. Joe sang the most appalling songs about bitches with big asses and what-not! Good times. :)
Also at Yoyogi Park there were these guys holding placards that said FREE HUGS. I didn't get one! I regret this deeply at the moment, but I was too shy.
(borrowed from Elisa)
To begin, your full, unedited and unabridged name, please:
Joy Jennifer Waller. The first one I like. The middle one I hate. The last one I attempted to have legally altered as a teenager so as to incorporate both it and my mother's maiden name, but my mother told me I was being disrespectful so I gave up.
On being introduced to your name, what was your reaction to it?
I always have liked the name Joy but it being a noun confused me: I would run across it in books, referring to elation, and would try to see how whatever book I was reading was about me.
Do you think God exists only in the mind?
Do you think mind only exists in the mind?
And is therefore more real than the physical world?
I struggle with this concept. It could go either way, I suppose.
What is your chosen gender?
Well, I'm female this time, which I wouldn't change, but the majority of my previous lives have been male.
If pressed, would you choose to wear boots or high heels on a first date?
Boots! Great big shit-kickers!
Do you have a best friend?
Yes. I miss him!
Do you look at all your friends and arrange them into a mental hierarchy?
No. Ben is my best friend and Matt is my lover; other than that everybody is Who They Are.
How long would it take for you to realise that you are in love?
Last time it happened? I met him, publicly scorned the goatee, then he called me up the next week and asked me out, and I'm like Who is this? and he's like Oh it's Matt, you know, Matt who shaved his goatee, and I think it hit me about then.
Could there ever be a sort of relationship that transcends love itself?
If I had been born in a war-torn country and had family members dying at the hands of soldiers representing oil-rich neighbouring countries, I could see developing an intense, fanatical nationalistic spirit, and under the circumstances I guess that could transcend love.
What is your favourite breed of dog?
Husky.
Nutella:
Nah. Too sweet. I used to like it on toast, though.
Do you remember your first school friend?
Yes, her name was Mandy and she was beautiful and intelligent. Her father shot himself in the master bedroom when she was about seven, and I never saw her again.
Do you own a scarf of a colour other than black?
I used to have an imitation Burberry: beige, white, and crimson. I left it at work one day and now I can't find it.
Do you like yourself? If not, do you like your house?
What kind of question is this? Clearly, I'm fantastic. My house has made some terrible mistakes but we're working on them, together-like.
Sometimes when I read, I read out loud. Do you?
Yes. I did this as a teenager when my mind was racing so fast I couldn't concentrate otherwise -- I'm thinking here, specifically, of the short story Raymond's Run, which I shouted in the parked van, fingers cold, until I grew hoarse; Ben and I used to shout Ginsberg's poetry aloud, just because we could; recently, I'll read anything genius aloud cuz it's almost mystical, to have the words go from page to mind to tongue to air when they were nothing but abstracts in the first place.
Do you have some sort of obsessive compulsive disorder?
Er. Diagnosed? No.
Are mini-skirts the way to go?
I've never in my whole life been able to pull off a mini skirt. Once I wore a mini dress though, which was a present from Jess. I looked like a slut! It was a fun night. Was that the Attempted Orgy Night? I can't remember.
Is red the new black?
Quite frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a damn.
Which animal would you rather be: a racoon or a panda?
A panda. Pandas intrigue me lately. I want to learn their dour secrets!
Do you pity all the penguins who fall over when planes fly overhead?
Does this happen? Aw shucks. Of course I pity them. I don't like it when bad things happen to animals.
Sugar or Salt?
Salt. Especially on popcorn or fried potatoes.
Do you think that a monkey has more moral worth than a newly born baby?
No, I'd say they're about equal.
Is there a difference between men and women which is not just biological?
I doubt it. Men and women are conditioned differently, it's true, and I think the absence of a kind of forced behaviouralism would clarify things.
'Velvet dresses are better than velvet coats'. Discuss.
Well, I have to say, I'm partial to crushed velvet smoking jackets ...
Do you hate school?
No, school is awesome and beneficial. Don't do drugs.
Does it sometimes annoy you that the Harry Potter films are so very bad?
I've not seen them. I've not read the books!
I'm interested in the miniature lately. A sentence, for example, can be more interesting than a conversation. From Ian McEwan's Amsterdam: "Clive and Vernon, however, continued to enjoy loathing him."
Interested also in collected images, not merely language: mucking about with the camera. I have a nice but un-fancy camera, and my plan is to become adept at composition and framework -- get it all out of my system, as it were -- and then when I return to Canada acquire an expensive, genius camera and do it all again with better tools. Spent a bit of time on Flickr today: I am a member of 13 "groups"!
1. Ritz Cracker Enthusiasts (this is not a joke, I really am a member of this group, by invitation I'll have you know)
2. i love food group (sounds a bit plain but the photography by the other members is STUNNING)
3. Weekly Theme (I'm going to devote a whole update to this group in the near future)
4. Photos from Tokyo, Japan
5. Engrish
6. Japan-o-philia
7. Orange is a Colour That is Safe and Alive (gorgeous stuff here)
8. Ootoya (again, by invitation)
9. Pink
10. Pandas (long story)
11. Junk Beauties
12. Handbag Contents (good study in miniature)
13. Lifts and Elevators
Roger Ebert is like my favourite film reviewer ever -- fuck Pauline Kael darlings; she lacks couth -- and until recently I was under the impression that the only film we disagreed about in history was Empire Records, which I consider to be genius yet he panned -- I blame the generation gap -- and today I find there is a second film to add to the list, the Kids in the Hall's marvelous Brain Candy, and it just reconfirms the fact that even when I disagree with Ebert I can't help but admire his language: he actually used the phrase "irony orgy" when discussing what he hated about the film.
I love JD Salinger's portrayal of intelligent, misunderstood children. In grade 11 I wrote an essay for English class entitled "Sibling Relationships in Catcher in the Rye" deconstructing the mind games between Holden and Phoebe, and I would give anything to get my hands on it again. I assume Mr. Krahn still has it. Or it's in a box in my parents' garage, along with crystal cases of cheap earrings I used to wear and sodden teddy bears.
(from J.D. Salinger's A Perfect Day For Bananafish)
"Well, we'll see. How did he behave -- the car and all?"
"All right," said the girl.
"Did he keep calling you that awful --"
"No. He has something new now."
"What?"
"Oh, what's the difference, Mother?"
"Muriel, I want to know. Your father --"
"All right, all right. He calls me Miss Spiritual Tramp of 1948," the girl said, and giggled.
"It isn't funny, Muriel. It isn't funny at all. It's horrible. It's sad, actually. When I think how --"
Pure genius! This story is from a collection entitled For Esme -- with Love and Squalor, and ranks among the best of Salinger's work, in my view.
A fun day with James yesterday -- lunch, beers, an excellent Australian film called The Castle, and an extraordinarily odd experience on the rooftop terrace of a department store:
|
Joy -- [adjective]: Smells like teen spirit 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com |
11 LAYERS OF YOU
LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE
Name: Joy
Birth date: 31 August, 1981
Current Location: Tokyo, Japan
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: Brunette
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Virgo
LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE
Your heritage: German, Irish, and possibly Polish and/or Polish Jew
Your fears: Mascots, pigeons
Your weakness: Books, beer
Your perfect pizza: Feta, artichoke heart, spinach, and tomato
LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW
Your thoughts first waking up: Oh God. Here again.
Your best physical feature: My hair. It's naturally curly and hearkens unto gypsies, druids, empresses.
Your bedtime: 11 or 12.
Your most missed memory: Grade Five. First Year on Green St. Three hours ago, when I bought a green pendant hanging from green beads and green leather.
LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK
Pepsi or Coke: Coke. Clearly, mixed with rye.
McDonald's or Burger King: Neither. Though I'm not above a fish burger at Wendy's.
Single or group dates: Hmm. I'm better one-on-one, so I guess single.
Adidas or Nike: Neither. I like the patterns on Adidas track suits, though. For shoes, I like Converse.
Lipton Tea or Nestea: Neither. I'm fond of peach Snapple, though.
Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla.
Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee.
LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
Smoke: Yes.
Drink: Er, yes.
Take a shower daily: Sometimes. It's either daily or every two days.
Have a crush: No, not at the moment.
Think you've been in love? I have been in that place, yes. It is an enigma.
Like(d) school: I loved it! This is dorky, but I'd like to be a professor within the next ten years, largely because I like school so much. My most recent job was at a Conversation School.
Want to get married: No.
Believe in yourself: Yes.
Think you're a health freak: Yes, but in a frustrating way. I'm a vegetarian but I smoke; I rage against additives in food products but I drink. You know how it goes. I only exercise as an afterthought.
LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH HAVE YOU..
Gone to the mall: A couple of times. Dreamily. Usually to look at puppies.
Been on stage: No, not in six months.
Dyed your hair: No. Last time I dyed it was a couple of years ago: purple. I'd like to do it again --red -- which I did several times in my late teens.
LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER
Played a stripping game?: Yes: Poker and Scrabble.
Gotten beaten up?: Not really. Roughed up, yes. Not beaten.
Changed who you were to fit in: No. Occasionally -- I'm thinking high school, or the high school-like staff room of my recently departed job -- I would try it for a minute or two, but the results were artificial and depressing, so I ceased.
LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLD
Age you're hoping to be married: I don't think I would like to be married.
Age you want to die: Older, but not too old. Maybe 70? As Elisa said, I will probably change my definition of 'old' as I age, so who knows.
LAYER NINE: IN A GUY/GIRL
Best eye color: Green.
Best hair color: I've always been partial to blonde. Brunette is good, too.
Short or long hair: Short.
LAYER TEN: WHAT WERE YOU DOING
1 MINUTE AGO: Doing this survey.
1 HOUR AGO: Buying a pack of smokes.
1 WEEK AGO: At this time, on this day? Working. Propping up the smile.
1 YEAR AGO: This time, this day ... Working at WIN and probably having a drink with the girls.
LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE
I LOVE: Books. Yesterday I purchased Raymond Carver's Elephant and J.D. Salinger's For Esme -- with Love and Squalor.
I FEEL: Optimistic. Massive changes are afoot. You'll hear of them soon.
I HATE: Being treated as though I don't matter.
I HIDE: My flaws. With varying degrees of success.
I MISS: Then. I miss Then very much. But After looks promising.
I NEED: Rationalism.
Last day at work was a rather subdued affair: I had expected chaos, bad blood, shouting and all the rest, but instead I kept to myself, finished all my teaching duties adequately yet dreamily, was pleasant, and rocked the boat not once except to wear my scandalous dice necklace for the last class. Sayanora!
So now I've got two weeks off, and nothing on the horizon except an adventure today with James, Kyoto perhaps at the end of the week, and the possibility of a two-and-a-half day job at the end of the month that would net me about $850CAD -- no it's not hooking -- I'm calling the girl about it in ten minutes (thanks for the tip, Ryan!).
Not a whole heap going on: a chilly morning on the Tokyo-Kanagawa border, a cup of coffee in a yellow mug. So long as I am surrounded by coffee in yellow mugs, I am happy ... Considering breakfast in a wee bit: eggs, miso soup. When in Rome ... Two more shifts at work. Station beers with the lads last night. One of my ears is plugged on the inside and my very existence seems off-kilter, skewed to the left ... Matt slumbers. I've fallen behind on Lost.
Went on an informal pub crawl in Shimokitazawa the other night with Matt and Joe -- excellent times! At least six different bars, interspersed with cheap station beers and jovial half-lingual conversations with various elderly convenience store clerks. The best place by far was Heaven's Door, a second-floor British pub crammed with couches, mood lighting, 300-yen Sapporo draft, and bookcases filled with all manner of trash and literate for 500-yen apiece! Matt bought Graham Greene's Twenty-One Stories. The bathroom in this place ruled. A couple pics:
Grope Therapy:
Clever Dicks:
Good Lord, what visions! Went to a place called Koenji today as I'd heard concrete rumors that there are cheap and awesome vintage clothes to be found there. I found a bit of stuff -- notably a baseball shirt that says SHE LOOKS SAD. WHAT HAPPENED TO HER? in giant blue letters -- but overall the district left a vile taste in my mouth, a kind of capitalistic mecca that only pretends to be hippie, filled with hawkers and misery and I suspect, after dark, violence. There were a lot of unsavory, steel-like youths hanging about the sidewalks and drumming their fingers on the sides of their legs ...... I hate that I've said that; I sound old, or like Adrian Mole ...... At one point I found myself in the middle of a graveyard and swiftly headed back to the station, only to find myself in a dead-end surrounded by apartments with light-blue tile facades. I have had an intense dislike for light blue tiles since childhood. Got a headache.
Anyway, the one good thing: there was this shop called Spank that sold t-shirts from the 80s and everything in it was HOT PINK plus there were scores of My Little Ponies and Barbie and Skipper and whatnot, and the shop girl had pink hair. You could buy oversized buttons that say I LOVE SPANK.
... Where such treasures are to be found!
I adore being called nicknames by people from other countries! Luv is a favourite. Also: mate, and bro (this last by Bjorn, a New Zealander, sipping cans of Asahi at the end of the tracks and smoking furtive cigarettes under cover of a large lime-green pillar). Me, I call other people dude. I hope they adore this.
Today my Landlady actually muttered a dark Hi at me in response to my greeting! The last five or six occasions I've said Hello to her as we shuffle dourly into each other's path in the hall her response has been to glare furiously in the other direction. Relations are improving!
(ripped from a myspace bulletin from Dev. By the way -- I always used to disapprove of myspace BUT it's a kind of handy networking tool so if you feel like joining, please do, and we can keep in better touch.)
A If you were an ANIMAL what would you be?
A wolf or a dog. I like pack animals. But: I don't like team sports. The mind boggles.
B BOOKS: What's on your reading list?
At the moment I'm reading Henry Miller's Letters to Anais Nin and George Orwell's Down and Out in London and Paris. I've got Roald Dahl's Kiss Kiss on the burner, then it's off to the Blue Parrot to stock up on some pretentious stuff. I've pretty firmly decided on Proust because Miller goes on and on about the guy in his Letters.
C COMPULSIVE about anything?
Character. Socks.
D DREAMS - Do you ... dream in color? remember your dreams?
Yes, I dream in colour. Generally I remember the theme better than the content.
E EATING - what's your usual snack?
This very cool peanut and rice cracker thing.
F A Few of your FAVORITE Things
Coffee, karaoke, books, Matt, letters, chu-hi, imagination.
G GIGGLES! What (or who) makes you laugh?
Witty conversation. Satire.
H major HOT Button:
As in angry: ignorant assholes, or snobs.
As in attractive: beard stubble, wit, an open mind, courtesy.
I I am ______________
a work in progress.
K Also KNOWN As... Aliases? Screen names? A non de plume perhaps?
Joyous. Joy Toy.
L I LOVE ...
My friends, pictures, books, experience.
M How do you feel about MEETING people?
Generally I am shy and aloof, which can sometimes alienate other people. Some people see past the facade immediately and we become instant friends; others are taken and admit to me, weeks later over drunken disclosure, that they are shocked at the discrepancy between then and now.
N What's the story of your NAME? were you named after anyone? Do you go by a nickname? Any aliases?
Yes, a religious speaker. I like Dev's answer way better: "I was named after two of my dad's friends sisters. One he didn't really like and another who became a buddhist monk."
O OBSERVANT - What's around you right now? What do you see?
Everything is motionless. The pens, the books, the windowpane: the coffee cup and apple-scented candle and notes.
P Who are the special PEOPLE in your life?
They know.
Q Any Little QUIRKs About Yourself:
I desperately rage against my snobby/shy tendencies. I am frightened of my toes falling off in the night. I think pigeons want to kill me. I used to be a figure skater. I have a cell phone. I drink coffee through a straw.
R What do you like to do for RECREATION?
Karaoke is good. I like going to new places in Tokyo, to buy weird stuff and take pictures. Station beers fortify me. Coffee in all its forms and contexts is essential.
S Do You SING in the Shower? In the car? For your friends?
Shower: No.
Car: Non-applicable.
Friends: Yes, if you count karaoke.
T What's at the Top of your TO DO list?
Finish the Indigo Children manuscript. Also, attend this weekly writer's salon on Sunday night, which I've not been able to do till now cuz of my work schedule but starting next week I CAN!
U Any Unusual Experiences?
A few paranormal experiences: ghosts, aliens. The alien thing might be a sleep disorder; I am divided fifty-fifty on the issue.
V VEGAS, Vienna, Venice, Vladivostok... How far have you traveled? What's your favorite City?
North: Probably my hometown, Vernon.
South: L.A.
East: Calgary.
West: Japan. (That sounds odd. I thought Japan was supposed to be Eastern?)
Favourite City: Victoria or Vancouver.
W WINTER, Spring, Summer, Fall... What's your favorite season?
Autumn. Excellent textures, scents, and fashion.
X EXes - Things You Don't Do Anymore (but did, once (would you, again?))
I don't smoke weed anymore. Or drink vodka.
Y Any secret/deep YEARNINGS?
I would love to be a rock star, or a folk singer-songwriter. I am only a mediocre singer, but even if I was fantastic, I don't think I'd have the necessary stage presence. It's one of my predominant commute-time fantasies, though.
Z ZERO to ZENITH - Where are you in your life?
Starting to get the hang of it.
..... And as I smoke my cigarette I have my best memory of my mother: I am nine years old, it is Boxing Day at the Mall, cheap day, day of sales, 50 per cent off, etc: she buys me a white lacy blouse. It's true: 9-yr-old me loved lacy, feminine clothes ..... This blouse is a treasure to me, a coup, and words abandon: I can say nothing, only stare, bereft, at this beautiful thing. Mum pauses, on way to snowy parking lot: says -- seriously, urgently -- "I wish I could buy you beautiful clothes every day."
I have never forgotten this.
Mum and I clash often. Clint says it's because she's Fire and I'm Earth: a problematic combination.
Today I told one of my favourite students, R, that I would be working only one week more. She was sad, and reacted in the typical Japanese fashion, which I find so apt: I will miss you and wish you were staying, but congratulations on your new job. Then she did something unusual: she wrote down her phone number for me. Such contact is strictly forbidden at my company, although when teachers quit, it is quite common, and allowed, to do so if you'd like to hang out with the person socially after your employment is over. I agree with this no-fraternization rule as it functions mainly to prevent horny white guys from fucking underage Japanese girls, and also to prevent private lessons on the side. Anyway. It was unusual for R to give me her number because she is my mum's age so we won't be hanging out together, plus I will not be giving her lessons in the future. She explained herself to me: I am the same generation as your mother, so if you are ever in any trouble and need help, please call me.
I was so touched by this that I was quiet and introspective for the rest of the day. This woman, R, is my favourite largely because she is the type of woman I wish to be, were I a better woman. She is driven and mystical and positive and creative, and a writer besides.
I'm pleased to be leaving this job but some of the people I've met are so luminous I regret, greatly, that I will never see them again.
"All day you are telling lies, and expensive lies."
Read Orwell's Down and Out in Paris and London. It contains terrible wisdom.
Off to work in half an hour -- five more days! Deeply embroiled in Henry Miller's Letters to Anais Nin. Self-educated geniuses fascinate me. I've got to read more classics -- for example, Goethe, whom I've never read, and more D. H. Lawrence, and perhaps some of the European philosophers. There's some kind of construction going on down the street and it makes me want to throw large bricks through the windows: lots of pent-up rage, unhealthy, deplorable really and un-evolved. Solitude soon -- high hopes of Kyoto in a couple weeks, either solo or with Matt; also the surrounding areas, including Nara, golden Buddha and deer. I'm going to buy a proper suit before I start my new job.
The fingers can not invent words, which is perhaps the tragedy of this post-Roman world. We can only type, or dictate, or what have you. Lord I miss Anais Nin.
I raised a bit of a fuss last week at Work when the monthly newsletter came out, and there was a brief mention near the bottom that I would be leaving the company in mid-March. I had wanted the opportunity to say a few words myself, but neglected to act upon my desires, and a co-worker suggested that I write something myself and distribute it before I left. I reacted with great sarcasm -- I've got to stop this ugly trait, plus apologize to the girl tonight -- anyway, she got me thinking, and here is the first part of my prose-poem, tentatively titled "Portrait of the *company name* Staff Room: A Comedic Tragedy."
In a land of scent – take-out coffee; cigarette smoke on overcoat; natto on cracker; dry erase marker; despair – and of sound – Pavlovian bell, at precise and harsh intervals; fingers flicking through tight plastic boxes of files; irreverant cell phone ring-tones; joke and wit and slight in a million variations on accent: the drones of the English Factory clutch their bottles of water or genki-drink and cringe.
