1. There is a vile smell drifting up to my room from the communal kitchen one floor below: a mixture of wet dog and rancid tuna. If the Fear had a scent, it would be exactly this. I suspect it is someone's dinner, which makes it worse.
2. It is 12 degrees outside. I can't bear it.
3. I've been reading shocking and blood-curdling details about the reign of Vlad the Impaler.
Drinkin: beer
Listening to: the Strange Creek Singers
So now that I have a steady, fairly generous income, my new budget includes a clothing allowance. Matt and I booked it to Shimokitizawa today and I experienced the most incredible shopping spree of my life. A list of pride:
1) Black fingerless gloves with a neon pink skeleton design.
2) Two tight turtlenecks, olive green and brown.
3) A black corderoy business jacket.
4) A lush green velveteen jacket! Finally! I can join the Velvet Underground club at Work!
5) An orange-and-navy striped rugby shirt with a corderoy collar -- identical to Matt's but a size smaller -- needless to say he is devastated and jealous and pouting right now.
6) An orange-and-brown plaid handbag.
The nicest thing of all is that I don't have to feel guilty about any of this cuz it's in my budget! A first, for me. I think people should be taught how to make personal budgets in high school.
At the shop where I purchased the corderoy jacket, rugby shirt, and handbag, they gave me a ridiculously huge bag. It must have been about three feet long. It kept knocking into people when I was walking with it. At home, I got into the bag, and pretended I was a cat.
I just realized today that I AM MATH. I am the sum of my experiences. This is a horrible realization for a girl who hates numbers.
Don't mind if I do ....
sponsored in part by the local Save the Rats club
.... And then hangover meets vomit!
Can't find any fucking envelopes. I hate this! What's going on? The universe is out to get you if it feels a need to prevent you from posting a letter to Ben.
The writing, the writing. I have accepted that the manuscript has no beginning or end, and only the most rudimentary semblance of a middle. Am torn though between the desire to construct a cohesive or to let it spasm about as it did from my brain. Always remember, it is not you writing this stuff, but some kind of hybrid of memory and finger.
I was checked out by a Japanese guy today! For the first time since moving to Japan three and a half months ago. The shock of it, ladies and gentlemen, nearly made me walk into a speeding car.
Also, a few weeks ago I saw my first (and only) Japanese penis. This is a good story, and needs a bit of background information:
One of the nicest things about living in Japan is how safe it is. Back home, I was very cautious about walking alone after 11 o'clock or so -- I would do it, but nervously and on constant alert, and I way preferred to be walking with someone else -- with so many junkies in Victoria it's only logical. Also because of the nature of drunken white men -- when they're pissed, they get loud, aggressive, and completely fixated on women. Drunken Japanese men, in contrast, rarely look at women at all, and instead giggle and fall over and pat each other on the back. It's awesome, and gives me such a feeling of freedom to be able to walk wherever I want, whenever I want, without fear.
So on the night in question, it was about midnight and I was walking home drunk after station beers. I was near the end of an almost deserted, narrow alley filled with garbage and dying palm trees and almost no light: all I could see was a businessman 50 yards or so ahead of me plodding home with his briefcase. I was in a great, carefree mood, and then at the end of the alley I saw it: two guys in their 20s, one with his pants down pissing onto some parked cars and screaming; the other waving a bottle around and harassing the businessman ahead of me -- grabbing onto his jacket and shouting, etc. This was a classic oh shit moment. I thought of running ahead and pretending to be walking with the sober businessman, but he had already physically shaken off the drunk and was running down the street. Fuck! Too late to run back the way I had come. I decided to just walk on and if they tried to rape me I would kick and punch like the former mountain girl I am.
So I approach -- and there it is, first penis, still pissing -- and his friend turns on me screaming and reaches out ..... And sees I am white, and gasps, and turns away! It was awesome. Not fitting into the cultural idea of beauty has its advantages. :)
(courtesy of elisa)
Name 3 things in your purse/wallet:
1. cigarettes
2. phone
3. wallet
Name 3 things you do when you're really stressed:
1. drink
2. shout at electronics
3. chain-smoke
Name 3 favorite fruits:
1. raspberries
2. avocado
3. japanese oranges
Three names you go by:
1. Joy
2. Joy Toy
3. Boofy (only one person calls me that)
Three things you are wearing right now
1. kind of strange capri-like olive-coloured cargo pants with drawstring hems
2. an orange and blue rugby shirt with a corderoy collar (Matt's)
3. fuzzy plaid house slippers
The W/H/O/S
Who is in the house with you?
A bunch of foreigners locked up in their rooms as I am, or watching bizarre tv in the lounge.
Who was the last person to IM you?
James
Who are you thinking about right now?
My parents. Haven't heard from them in over a month.
Who did you last talk to on the phone?
Matty-B.
Who's house did you last go to?
James's place, last night, to watch Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, which is an incredible and thought-provoking film ...
Whose birthday is next?
My dad's.
Who do you wish you were with right now?
Matt. He's at work. Also Ben, who's at Canada.
The W/H/E/R/E/S
Where is your phone?
In my handbag.
Where do you sleep?
On a plaid futon.
Where did u get the shirt you're wearing?
It's Matt's, and from Uniqlo.
Where is the last place you took a ride to?
Train ride to Hon-Atsugi.
The W/H/A/T/S
What was the last thing you ate?
Eggs and avocado on raisin bread -- believe it or not, this is tasty. With a carton of ice coffee.
What color pants are you wearing?
Olive green.
What kind of cell phone do you have?
au
What is the closest item near you that is blue?
Some stray socks.
Whats your fav. color?
Green -- for symbolic reasons as well as the aesthetics.
What is your favorite website?
wikipedia.org
What is your favorite shoe brand?
Converse I guess. Though I don't have any at the moment.
What do you wear more; jeans or shorts?
Jeans, most definitely. I don't think I've worn shorts since high school, except when I'm swimming, with a bikini top.
What is the last movie you watched?
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan! Like I said, it was great.
What song do you currently hear?
Dirty Mouth, Hot Hot Heat. I never used to like Hot Hot Heat but their new album (2005) rocks! Check them out on newmusiccananda.com.
The W/H/E/N/S
When did you meet your best friend?
Seven years ago. Matt saw me frying hamburger -- hamburger! -- in a poorly lit basement suite on Cedar Hill and was besotted. I was besotted later that week, when he shaved his goatee and claimed to boycott both McDonald's and Disney.
When did you last go to the mall?
A couple of days ago. I was looking for a burgandy velveteen smoking jacket. I was bitterly disappointed, as usual.
When was the last time you bought a pair of jeans?
September.
When did you last burn a candle?
A couple weeks ago? Apple scented.
Off to karaoke in a bit. A baffling staff party the other night -- before it even started I was getting shrilly over-sensitive about comments regarding my fingernails; by the time we actually got to the izakaya I was in a steady decline, unwisely mixing beer with whiskey and insulting other people's countries while chain-smoking and taking incomprehensible pictures with my phone. ("Look, look! It's so COOL! His arm is PERFECTLY STRAIGHT!") The only bright spot is that the place was so insanely loud it's possible no one heard a word I said. Maybe.
And so the evening progresses: sliced cheddar on ritz cracker with books and indy Canadian music and the realization that Vancouver Island is not the centre of the universe. I've been accused of being maternal like TWICE in the last week. Bizarre memories of compared fingernails, straight whiskey, and japanese oranges consumed every morning: makes the room smell like Christmas every single day. I'll go to the shrine at Enoshima on Wednesday and toss a five-yen coin into the box as I bow and pray. My old friend Nora just gave birth to her first child, a girl. The universe swirls. Nothing is cohesive, especially cohesives.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "If I'm depressed, I work." I agree! It works wonders.
(Been getting weirdly into American politics lately. Ie, will next Democratic candidate be Hillary or Osaba? No one knows.)
Listening to: Martha Wainwright
Drinkin: red wine
A wonderful day! At long last, after a troubling three-month void, I received my first piece of correspondence from overseas: a vivid and idiosyncratic letter from Ben. I retrieved it from amid the phone bills, circulars, and post cards on the communal Mail Table at the front entrance of the Gaigin House, and ran with it up the stairs to tear it open and read, plastic tub of take-out pasta suddenly forgotten -- words more sustaining than noodle and egg and broccoli and shrimp any fuckin day of the week -- words with their almost physical aura, their importance and sanctity and beautiful concrete organic breath. It was the finest letter I have ever received.
A random public drinking session with some young (21) Japanese guys last night. Matt and I had taken J to an izakaya as a thank-you for all his Herculean computer help, and at the table next to us were these three guys, getting blitzed on choshu and staring at us for about two hours. J finally got drunk enough to shout at them, in Japanese, "I am an idiotic foreigner!" and a roar of laughter went up as we became best friends for the next 45 minutes or so, buying beer at the convenience store and rating passersby on a scale of 1 to 10. Odd stuff.
Went to a shrine in Yoyogi Park last week. I was expecting a kind of spiritual experience -- maybe even an epiphany -- but all that happened was I became appalled at the commercialism and how I, as a psuedo-tourist myself, was contributing to it. Wound up walking deep into the park to align my chakras under a tree. This is the first time I have actually physically felt my third-eye chakra, a warm sphere in the centre of my forehead. I think it's because it was the first time I meditated with my thumbs touching my index fingers, forming a circle: a student told me this was very important, as it causes the energy of the universe and the energy of the self to combine .....
My students continue to rock. Somebody, somewhere, at some time, told a lot of them that when a car crashes into another car, this is a 'car attack,' not a 'car accident.' So they will say things to me like, "Last week I was stopped at an intersection and the car behind me attacked me!" I love it; it sounds so brutal and premeditated. I have to correct them because that is my job, but I always tell them I like their way better.
The time for assistance has come! I'm making a mix cd of great Canadian music for Australian Friend as part of a cultural exchange, and I've got a list, but it feels horribly partial. I'm forgetting something ..... Please put further suggestions in the comments box. Thanks!
- the Stars, "Elevator Love Song"
- Metric, "Dead Disco"
- Martha Wainwright, "BMFA"
- Neil Young, "Heart of Gold"
- the Headstones, "Nickels for your Nightmares"
- Leonard Cohen, "Famous Blue Raincoat"
- the Unicorns, "I Was Born a Unicorn"
- Semi-Louise, "Boom or Bust"
- Rae Spoon, "The Alberta Test"
- the Guess Who, "She's Come Undone"
- that band in Hardcore Logo, "Rock 'n Roll is Fat and Ugly"
- the Tragically Hip, that song called "Music at Work" or "People at Work" or whatever
- Sarah Harmer, "Escarpment Blues"
- something by Broken Social Scene
- something by Arcade Fire
- and something by Emily Haines! Apparently she has a solo album out! Why didn't anyone inform me? This is awesome!
1) Are you in a complicated relationship?:
I'm in a complicated relationship with the world, it's true. Matt helps me deal with it which is not as simple as it sounds, natch.
2) Do you hate more than 3 people?
Yeah, but only political figures who invite hatred anyway. People in my day-to-day life are tolerable, even if I don't like them.
3) how many houses have you lived in?
Since I was an adult, 9. Best one was on Camosun St in Victoria.
4) Favorite candy bar?
I hate candy bars.
5) Are you naked?
Not at the moment.
6) Have you ever tripped someone?:
In high school, often.
7) Least favorite school subject?:
Math.
8) How many pairs of shoes do you own?
Four (work, flip-flops, shitkickers, two-toned).
9) Do you own a Britney Spears CD?:
No.
10) Have you ever thrown up in public?:
Many times. Generally in some seedy pub toilet or another.
11) Name one thing that is always on your mind:
Sex lately. Can't have sex till I'm on the Pill (Japanese condoms have a tendency to BREAK), and it's complicated to get a Pill prescription in Japan. The Pill was only legalized here in 1997 ... More later.
12) Favorite genre of music?:
Many. Folk? Acid? Pop-punk?
13) What is your zodiac sign?:
Virgo
14) What time were you born?:
8:33 am
15)Do you like beer?
Love it, especially Canadian microbrewery.
16) Have you made a prank phone call?
As a teenager. Called an escort service and requested a giglo. Had my call traced, and was called back. Threats were made re: telling my parents.
17) What is the most embarrassing CD you own?
In the past, it was probably Punk-O-Rama 4: Survival of the Phattest.
18) Are you sarcastic?:
Always, darling.
19) What are your favorite colors?:
Green.
20) How many watches do you own?:
One.
21) Summer or winter?
Autumn! Especially Tokyo autumn which lasts like three months.
22) Is anyone in love with you?
Mainly Matt.
23) Favorite color to wear?:
Black. Green.
24) Pepsi or Sprite?:
Neither -- fruit juice is better.
26) Where is your second home?
?
27) Have you ever slapped someone?:
I used to slap Pete and Matt to prove arcane points.
29) How many lamps are in your bedroom?:
None! I'll be fixing this soon. Can't read Hillary Rodham Clinton's memoirs without the proper lighting.
30) How many video games do you own?
None. Ever.
31) What was your first pet?:
A sainted dog named Keto. This is the first who meant anything, anyway ...
32)Where do you want to live when you're older?
Probably Vancouver or Hornby Island.
33) Do looks matter?:
Yes. I don't associate with ugly people.
34) Do you use chapstick?
Naw, I used to, but M complained about the taste.
35) Name 3 teachers from high school?
Dave Fehr, Mr. Krahn, and Mr. Woodard ("Woodie," who served in Nam)
36) American Eagle or Abercrombie?:
Meh? Thrift shop girl.
37) Are you too forgiving?
Certainly not.
38) How many children do you want?
None. Maybe two (Chinese, African), but only if I adopt.
39) Do you own something from Hot Topic?:
Meh?
40) Favorite breakfast meal?:
Eggs on toast.
41) Do you own a gun?:
No.
42) Ever thought you were in love?:
Once. His name's Matty-B.
43) When was the last time you cried?
Today. Recalling one of those brutal Time Magazine war photographs.
44) What did you do 3 nights ago?
Kareoke.
45) Olive Garden?
No clue.
46) Have you ever called your teacher mommy?
No.
47) Have you ever been in a castle?
No. Even though I used to live a few blocks from Craigdorrogh Castle or however it's spelled.
48) Nicknames?
Joy Toy.
49) Do you know anyone named Bertha?
A girl from my fast food industry days, kid you not ....
50) Ever been to Kentucky?
Never. Much to my regret.
(this one is especially for clint)
This statue of a dog at Shibuya station is in honor of a dog named Hachiko who used to come to the station every day to greet his master coming home from work. After the master died, Hachiko kept coming to the station every day until his own death, hoping to somehow find him again... Yes, just like the saddest episode of Futurama ever!
So yeah, Matt says that, then on the train when I try something cheeky, he shouts, "Seku hara [sexual harassment]!!" Gah. How I hate stares, but such is life.
My first Japanese lesson today. A humbling experience. Still assimilating.
A moment, finally, to breathe for a minute. It's my Friday and I've got no plans on the go, just a bottle of Yellow Tail and Hillary Clinton's memoirs (we really must let her know). A weird week of station beers, House of Cosby's, Mystery Science Theatre 3000, Jonothan's Restaurant (think Denny's but trashier), drunken kareoke (was it once or twice?), voice work for a video interview, and bizarre tension at work. Another day, another hundred yen ...
As far as work goes, perhaps some explaining is in order. Owing to the ever-present privacy concerns I can only be vague, but I work in Tokyo as an instructor at an English language school. About 80 per cent of the time it rocks -- there's a sitcom-esque cast of co-workers including, but not limited to, Hot Australian Girl, Moody British Man, Left-Wing American Guy, Gay Canadian Guy, Witty New Zealand Girl, and Flamboyantly Geeky Australian Guy -- that last one is J, and obviously my best friend at work, and partner in crimes ranging from pretending everyone we see is Jackie Chan, to doing chin-ups and somersaults on the crowded and silent and aghast Odakyu train line -- half a tick, it's J doing these things, not me -- I'm the one looking on in pleased horror as his pack of cigarettes goes flying and every woman in the car pulls her heels in and stares furiously out the window. Yes!
I work five days a week and teach a mixture of conversation, grammar, test prep, and kids classes. There is a lot of paperwork to do, and the Virgo in me is absolutely thrilled by this, investing in the usual expensive pens and un-necessary extra notebooks. The students tend to absolutely rock -- the other day I had a sore throat, and the next day one of them presented me with an entire paper sack of organic oranges. Produce of any kind is a bit difficult to find in Japan, plus expensive, so this was an incredible gift.
What was the tension again? The tension doesn't matter. It was just this one asshole and it's my weekend so what the fuck ever. Tomorrow, provided I don't sleep through my alarm as I did last week, I'll attend my first Japanese class. It's so crazy -- after 3 months in this country I technically have enough Japanese to "get by," which I hate. Here's to conversation and strife!
Matt and I bought a laptop yesterday! An IT friend is coming round this evening to explain and install mysterious things like Drivers and Operating Systems, and if all goes well I'll be online-ready in mere hours and start updating daily again.
Shoe watch: corderoy camoflage-patterned spike heels with no toe. Thigh high fuck-me boots made of sky-blue cotton with a white racing stripe down the sides: picture Adidas warm-up suits from the 70s atop three-inch platforms and you're somewhere close ....
Received a rejection from a prominent Canadian literary journal, three months after they had informed me the story was a strong candidate for the Winter issue. There was a spelling error in the rejection, which cheered me somewhat, but the response time was -- wait for it -- one year and three months, and this is not only unprofessional and a waste of my time, but also insane. I have officially ceased all lit-mag submissions and am focussing primarily on organizing and producing material for my short story collection.
Does anybody have Jess-Tron's email address? I had a dream about her the other night and suddenly miss her terribly.
Last night I had a nightmare, the kind where you wake up screaming and then are scared to close your eyes. I was staring at the ceiling trying to get my breath back, and about five minutes later Matt started screaming: he was having a nightmare, too. Was there a dream demon in the bedroom? Did it leave my mind when I woke up and enter Matt's? Must research this.
A British guy showed Matt and I an Italian restaurant where you can get delicious $4 entrees and a glass of wine for $1 -- the bottle is $10. It was good red wine, though served chilled, and needless to say hilarity ensued ....
Hopefully, more this evening. I can not believe I have a laptop. A laptop and a cell phone. Who am I? Also, I have started saying "shops" instead of "stores," and "sames" instead of "same." And on one bizarre occasion -- I kid you not -- "You're from Canada too, eh?"
