"In the misery dictionary / page after page after page." (the Stone Roses)

Awoke this morning in a panic, eye-level with a bunch of unfamiliar suitcases and swathed in a light blue sheet. Where the fuck was I? Some backwoods immigration office? An illegal airport? FRENCHY'S ROOM??

Turned out to be the floor of Jude the Obscure's bedroom. The jagged events of the previous evening -- the Press Analyst's roommate was involved -- came rushing back.

Speaking of Jude: here's a transcript of the texts we traded over Wednesday/Thursday. Yes, I get paid to sit at my desk and discuss:

JOY: What's your favourite Beach Boys song?

JUDE: That's a joke, right? They all sound the same.

JOY: I like "The Little Old Lady From Pasadena."

JUDE: Oh, is that the one where they all sing in harmony except one guy that goes really high at times and the lyrics are about surfing, Cali, or a girl?

JOY: Well ... Yes ... Hey, can you give me a topic for a short-short story? I wanna write a 2-page one at work today.

JUDE: You can write the screenplay for my short film!

JOY: Mmm ... That's true ...

JUDE: You bitch! Okay, how about a story about punching cats? My latest achievement was convincing a group of students it is considered good luck to punch a cat in America.

JOY: You're too much. I'm not supposed to laugh about shit like that ... Been giving the bow story another shot. Dunno why I'm so blocked on that. This is my third try!

JUDE: Doesn't have to be a violent punch, mind you. A 'love tap' is fine.

JOY: Did I tell you I had a masochist cat once? Named Sanka. She actually GOT OFF on being smacked really hard. You'd have liked her.

JUDE: That's sick Joy. I may laugh at imaginary violence but I'd never hurt anything.

JOY: I know you wouldn't but that's not the point. She actually really did like it.

JUDE: I'm joking with you. I think you should have taken her to a cat-rapist.

JOY: You're depraved. By the way did you hear about Bill's birthday? Saturday night, 10pm, Shibuya Hub.

JUDE: Damn you for not watching Arrested Development. "I'm the first psychiatrist to combine analysis with therapy" -- shows business card, reads: "Dr. Tobias Funke, Analrapist."

JOY: Dude! I just finished watching the entire third season! Tobias is by far my favourite. [...] No no NOT Tobias, I mean the one with no hand.

JUDE: You're kidding! Tobias is by far the best! The "hot cops," come on!

JOY: Oh God. He makes me feel unclean ... I LOVED "Boy Fights."

JUDE: Yeah that was good. It makes me cry that there'll never be a show as good as that again. And can't go to Bill's thing, going to Ageha for Danielle's thing, already said I'd go.

JOY: Why do they always cancel the good ones? I'm thinking of Futurama here. And yet shows like Entourage get renewed for like what, the EIGHTH season ..

JUDE: God, Full House lasted like 10!

JOY: I can not BELIEVE you just bashed Full House.

JUDE: You make me sick! Not surprised, seeing as you like the fucking Kiss A Girl song and Sex and the City!

JOY: I was KIDDING! What kind of girl do you think I am, anyway? Though I do stand by that song, and SATC.

JUDE: Please, their whole lives revolve around men! Why don't they try to solve an equation!

JOY: I think maybe high-power corporate attorneys don't have TIME to solve equations.

JUDE: Yeah but they have TIME to obsess about love and sex!

JOY: Oh, and like you don't!

JUDE: Please, I'm not a media figure millions of women look up to!

JOY: Fair enough, and I agree that they're not fantastic role models, but don't give its influence and scope TOO much credit. It's a variety of mind-candy for a particular segment of the population. Just like the Entourage boys are for another, those brainless American Idol fucks are for another, action heroes are for another, etc. I think it can be appreciated at minimum on a superficial level, without taking it as a Symbol or an Unstoppable Vice or something like that.

JUDE: You're right but my point is there are no good role models and these are the 'best.' Even you said Well she's a high power attorney but we've seen that before, it's a job that's acceptable for a woman to have in the media but any mathematically or scientifically inclined woman is either completely absent or out of touch and aloof and waiting for a handsome man to undo her hair, rip off her glasses, and pretty her up for the prom! [...] And show her what the real world is about: love and men!

JOY: You're so right about the ripping off the glasses thing. In a filmic tradition that goes back at least to the 30s, women with glasses, when they appear onscreen at all, are required by both studio executives and the (general) movie-going public to be sexually neutral or even repugnant. In those cases where she abandons her intellectual pursuits in favour of "sex" (male approval), her glasses are ALWAYS removed, often in scenes that appear to fetishize the act. This is why I fucking hate movies like "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" -- supposedly directed by a feminist! And lauded as "empowering"! And also why I'm intrigued by people like Tina Fey and Margaret Cho, who are fucking with the entire system and are so damn funny when they're doing so that they're actually getting mainstream respect for it sometimes.

JUDE: I don't really agree with what you said about Tina Fey and Margaret Cho. I don't think just wearing glasses is fucking with the system. But every time a girl picks up a math book she is so fucking with the system. [...] "Goin Down" by the Stone Roses. That's sad.

JOY: Which song is that? Don't have my iPod with me and can't check ... PS I was talking about more than their glasses, you know!

JUDE: The one with the line, "There she looks like a painting / Jackson Pollock;s Number 5." Yeah, but they're just comedians. Ever heard of the Bandit Queen? She's a woman to admire.

JOY: So, you feel that one TV show is significant enough to negatively influence millions of people on a cultural level, but Fey and Cho can't have ANY influence -- positive or negative -- because they're "just" comedians? I don't buy it. [...] Who is the bandit queen, by the way? I love her already.

JUDE: No one looks at Fey and Cho and says, "They're empowering," like they do with SATC. Plus Fey and Cho aren't that popular and neither challenges the system in the way I'm talking. Their jokes primarily involve men and relationships. Well maybe not Fey. [...] Google it! She's an Indian low-caste girl who was gang-raped by high-caste men. Then she became an outlaw and set them all on fire, then became a prominent Cabinet member for poors' rights but was recently murdered by people related to the guys who raped her.

JOY: What! What was she doing fooling around in politics and advocacy when she could have been studying math?

JUDE: Or worrying about sex and men? you miss my point entirely!

JOY: How dare you! I miss nothing! You, on the other hand, thought that I liked Full House. [...] Anyway, joking aside, that bandit sounds awesome. When did she die? Was anyone convicted?

JUDE: Not sure. Plus, she self-taught herself Math!

JOY: I'll look it up. Hey, I got a flyer from that cult headquarters by my house! They're hosting a 'party' in a couple weeks. We should totally go.

JUDE: I just noticed you have written two blogs and no mention of me! Two!! Joy you bitch! [...] Sounds like fun! Seriously, let's go. [...] Hey, funny story: The other teachers were warning us to watch the kids cuz "some kid" was drawing funny pictures in the textbooks.

JOY: Sigh. What did you draw?

JUDE: Some fish eating each other, a cat on fire, and an arrow through a zebra's head.

JOY: What can I say? Um. You're my favourite nihilist?

JUDE: What the hell? It's become a damn witch hunt! They're trashing all the books and cards that have been 'defiled' and hunting down the kid! Joy, I'm gonna be found out! I'm being hunted by a fascist secret police!

JOY: Ya gotta turn yourself in. Let those jackals have their way with you. [...] Can you give me an Indian cooking lesson sometime soon?

JUDE: This is serious! They're actually ordering all new sets of kids materials! What the hell? What's wrong with a cat on fire? Hilarious I say! I wonder if I can scapegoat some little sucker.

"I just want / to hold the divine / inside / and forget." (of Montreal)

I have read portions of the journal Allen Ginsberg wrote when he was 28. It's futile to compare my journal (either the private one or the blog) to his, because like Anais Nin he strove to write his journals AS LITERATURE, whereas mine are merely thoughts, with not a huge regard given to artistry, but damn. I feel shallow. Feeling shallow is in all likelihood a form of purification, but in that case I am TOO pure, I am a depraved virgin, I am a desperate monk. All things in moderation, you know.

Both yesterday and today have been remarkably productive and enjoyable days at my "difficult" school. Is this a breakthrough? Have I finally absorbed the idea of "whatsoever my state, therewith to be content?" Shocking, if so. Paul: who were you really? The Bible is too much plot and pedagogy and too little character development! If you ask me. Like Holden Caulfield, my favourite character in the Bible is the madman who lived naked among the Tombs and slashed his body with sharp stones. Or perhaps Rahab the Harlot, grand madam of Jericho, aka an Israeli SPY!