My main problem right now is that it’s midnight and I have a 2.25 L. jar of pickles (Slavic parent food obsession) and can’t open it for the life of me because my hands are too small to properly grip the gigantic lid circumference. This says nothing about my dick size, only about how I handle one. If you have like . . . six inches in girth, I don’t think there’s much my little hands can do for you. Sorry.
Posted by caroline at August 3, 2006 12:15 AMOooh I do NOT even want to think about 6 inches in girth. Shudder. My poor little nether regions shrivel at the thought.
Yeah. Thwarted by the pickle jar at midnight. It's the classic story. I'm sure that's what the Stones "Satisfaction" is actually about. "I can't get no.... ogorki action!"
Have you considered investing in a lid opener or one of those rubber mat things (like a really thin mousepad that helps you grip)? Alternatively, I'm sure you could make one or two nice new friends by asking random men on the street to unscrew your lid for you...
You really must update this story and tell us if your pickle quest was successfully resolved. My heart bleeds at the thought of you without your dill fix. Transference, you know.
Posted by: Edmorus at August 3, 2006 3:51 AMI'm a big fan of repeatedly slamming the top of the jar against a counter. I'm not sure how exactly it helps, but it does. Your neighbours may think you're killing someone via blunt force trauma, but these are the sacrifices we make.
Posted by: ben at August 3, 2006 9:48 AMAs someone with short stubby fingers, I feel your pain. Go get butter knife and slam it against the sides of the lid all away around, making dents. Voila you'll be able to open it!
Posted by: Steph at August 3, 2006 10:54 AMDamn! I'll never feel the pleasure of you all over my turgid 4 footer.
Shucks.
Posted by: Xavier at August 3, 2006 2:06 PMyou guys are my heroes. i should post about my everyday life problems more often. with this kind of quality advice i should pretty much get anything i want done. so: victory! woman triumphs over cumbersome object! the pickle jar is now open! after many struggles, i resorted to using a DAMP PAPER TOWEL and . . .my arm was very sore this morning, but i'm filled with sodium, which is a good thing--addictions must be satiated.
thanks, guys!
i feel very . . . .cared for.
and: understood. (sniff)
:D :D
ed,
no . . .never thought about such a rubber investment as i'm, you know, usually good with jars and that sort of thing. maybe i should start lifting weights again. or throwing rocks at irritating children in restaurants. . . .either way: everyone wins, my forearm included.
Posted by: caroline at August 3, 2006 4:49 PMben,
as for the blunt force trauma, i could always add some sex noises to the counter struggle and my neighbours won't think any different than usual. noooo problem. ok. now i'm picturing myself with the pickle jar, in the kitchen . . .etc. . . etc. ok . . . .this is getting good . . . .
Posted by: caroline at August 3, 2006 4:53 PMX,
oh man just when we thought you cdn't get any hotter.
turgid 4footer blunt force trauma
!
it's not you . . .
it's . . . the pickle jar.
**weep**
love will tear us apart . .again.
:)
Posted by: caroline at August 3, 2006 4:57 PM