At the Sally Ann yesterday, a Polish Holocaust victim bought a vintage Shakespeare book for me because it was Senior’s Day and that meant 20% off for her. She spent two years in a German internment camp before being granted status in Canada and slyly passing me the book outside, so the cashier, as she said, would be none the wiser to our ploy. My parents just left and I’m actually surprised at how sad I am about their departure--people who love me unconditionally and drink with me nightly until sleep. I know every time my mother leaves me her heart shatters. Her manners struggle and she can barely contain her sorrow; it becomes difficult for her to streamline herself. She tells me to listen to the radio more because people talk on it, and sometimes it's interesting talk. Last night in my wave of Pacific Pilsner and Shiraz induced sleep, I dreamt about all the people that are not physically present in my life right now. We were all sitting in a circle inside. Mat, Xavier, Graeme, my parents, Julia, Sheika, Steph, Joy, Bigelow, etc. were drinking wine and looking at one another from the corner of our eyes, attempting to peripherally communicate all they and I had at one time experienced together. It bordered on unsettling; I've gotten into the habit of actively missing people this year. This morning the landlord had his gangly weekend assistant in hand and together they powerwashed the courtyard to clear the air of pigeon shit and feathers, cigarette butts and used tampons. Now a few of the pigeons are bathing in the puddles of cleaning water. A couple are lapping it up. I’m scared my courtyard will house some sort of pigeon hybrid now as a result of this chemical marriage, or there'll be a sea of pigeons on their backs, beaks to the sky, feet tucked gently back into their bodies. Eyes prehistoric and red, my watching their half-closed, cruel designs slide down by the second to seel into the two bottom lids. I'm terrified the timing will be perfect.
Posted by caroline at August 2, 2006 11:09 AMWas it... 11% white wine? 'Cause I don't drink any other kind! LOL
Aww, miss you too, babe. But perhaps it's better that we do our communicating like this, away from the pigeons, and sometimes with far more direct looks than you would be allowed (or indeed, than would be acceptable) in real life.
OH MY GOD ED!
guess what i now have in my possession?
do you remember . . . .
The Tape.
I have it now.
The one that starts with you saying, "because i am taping over mrs. chapman, i feel RATHER GUILTY, because I am missing her wonderful lecture on: fats, AND lipids, and CHROMOSOMES."
you: (quoting mrs. chapman) YOU KNOW: THE DNA HAS THE STRUCTURE OF A HELIX! AND YOU HAVE ALL THESE BONDS "HOLDING IT TOGETHER! IT'S ALL THOSE O-H'S"
hahahahahah!!
you: my father's apparently leaving until February. but he says he'll 'call me whenever he gets the chance.'"
me: that's "Very Touching."
you: snort. yeah. reeaaaalllll touching.
then you said i "might be" immune to ringworm because i have a dog. and i live with it.
oh god it's so god. esp. since my voice sounds so different than it does now. holy shit has smoking ever made my voice deep.
Me: anything else to say to the comedy club?
You (being recorded from the phone bec of illness): if telus calls you, hang-up.
Me: what if you’re actually with telus and they have something important to say to you?
You: be really nice to them so they won’t disconnect you. Cause that would really suck.
Me: are you with telus?
You: are you a what?
Me: did it sound like I said “are you a leper?”
ETC. ETC. ETC.
And then mrs chapman’s lecture on what causes amino acid’s shape to change. Ohhhhh hydrogen bonding.
oh god i've seriously listened to it like three times. i can't get over how much my voice has changed since high school.
Posted by: caroline at August 2, 2006 11:49 PMTears literally spilling from my eyes from laughter. Sides aching. New wrinkles developing at sides of mouth. Please to make copy and send it to UK ASAP.
"It's those O-H's" is SUCH a Ms Chapman thing to say!
What's funny is that I was totally giggling to myself in the bathtub last night (is that TMI, or just kinky?) about your scary tape where you spoke in the really deep voice and said things like "Bobooooorrrrusssssss," and I couldn't listen to it because I was really scared!
I will try to send you the audio files from our biome project that I still have on my computer. (I never throw anything out!)
Posted by: Edmorus at August 3, 2006 3:56 AMED I CAN'T OPEN THE AUDIO FILES OF THE BIOME!
tragic. disappointing. grrrr.
i'm not sure why . . .maybe try converting them before you send them . . .? or can you send them to me via the yousendit site? quicktime won't open them . . .realplayer no . . .itunes no go either.
:( :(
oh, and the scary boborus stuff is on the same tape. as is some monologue i was perfecting about livestock behavioral patterns and cowgirl being the short end of some stick. bec. this is Alberta . . ? uhhh.
Posted by: caroline at August 3, 2006 5:05 PM