Plathological

Intellectually Superior/Action Oriented

All moved in. We spent the day putting art on the walls. I cried all day. I feel as if the people I most connect with are also the people I make most uncomfortable. They leave me most vulnerable in turn. I have a need to talk to everyone for hours. Yesterday was moving van, the massive unpacking and the eventual approximation of some sort of housewarming party. Agreement to drugs in rooms. I haven't done that much cocaine in a while. Me and Xavier shared a mickey of Jagger. Matt gave a housewarming concert on the keyboard. He wore a white helmet while singing in our galley kitchen, milkshake bringing the boys to the yard, &tc. I couldn't ask for dearer or truer friends that I feel inclined to do anything for. When morning came and I was still awake, I realized I can have the most unnatural conversations in the most natural way and that’s my general, on-going definition of connection: doing what your nerve cells tell you to do, having your bowels drop from your body the entire length of the next day. At least the paintings are straight, and one key wall remains bare. This has been a process and we now have milk, a carton; I lay myself down at your feet. You haven’t seen me at my weakest. I am chain-smoking at my desk. I have a writing nook. It faces out onto the beams of the courtyard, it takes the better half of songs:

But in my heart it was so real
And you even spoke to me, and said :
"If you're so funny
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
And if you're so clever
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
If you're so very entertaining
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
If you're so very good-looking
Why do you sleep alone tonight ?
I know ...
'Cause tonight is just like any other night
That's why you're on your own tonight
With your triumphs and your charms
While they're in each other's arms..."
It's so easy to laugh
It's so easy to hate
It takes strength to be gentle and kind
Over, over, over, over
It's so easy to laugh
It's so easy to hate
It takes guts to be gentle and kind
Over, over
Love is Natural and Real
But not for you, my love
Not tonight, my love
Love is Natural and Real
But not for such as you and I, my love
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my ...
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can even feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my ... (The Smiths)