I've been talking with this guy online for a few months. I got really excited because he seemed to be this good guy with rooted morals, values and goals etc. He engages in conversations and just seemed like fun. I thought he was cute and was open to possibilities if things ever got started. We have been talking about getting together for lunch for a few weeks. I said we will figure out a time when I get back from my trip. We did and we set something up for tomorrow. He's 26.
I get home from work and have a message online from him. We talk and he asks me about my day. He then said you're gonna hate me. I think I want to cancel on you tomorrow. --at least he was honest-- He said age differences are too much. I said ok.
I told him this...
" i know that i have struggled in the gay community to find people whom i can relate to and feel as if we are on the same level with morals, goals, values and such. ive been at a point of really looking at myself and trying to figure out where i stand on things and the way i want to live my life... being a good person and contributing to the world and the people around me. i felt as if u had some of these same qualities, im not saying i don't think u have them now. ..but i was excited about getting to know someone who has a level head. so i must say im somewhat hurt but at the same time i know some truths about myself and i can't let the fact that you don't want to meet me ruin them or make me sad. i mean its a difficult place because how can one not take it personally... but i know i can't.. yet im struggling with it. back to your point. i understand the reason but just regret that you won't get to know me or anyone for that matter based on 6 years..."
he wrote this...
"thank you, I'm honored you see me at a good level of qualities. I definitely see you as that way too. I've surrounded myself with friends younger than me and it seems that I've been making even younger friends but as a result am finding it harder to relate to them... I don't have many friends that are in the same place as I'm at in my life; I need to correct this"
i wrote this...
"well,again its your choice and i respect it. there is nothing i can do to change it.
but im not neglecting or trying to hide the fact from you that i feel sad. thats me being honest."
he wrote this...
"thank you for your honesty and understanding... I feel bad... I hope letting you know where I'm at, at this point better than later, was right to do. This doesn't mean I want to stop chatting, just am not interested in developing a strong friendship until I sort myself out"
i wrote this...
"im glad u were honest with me and straight up and not beating around the bush. i cannot stand when people beat around the bush...so thank you for that. yeah i would like to chat still. im just concered about your "developing a strong friendship..." like are you meaning a really good friendship or a dating realtionship? i mean im not trying to argue or anything but just wonder why someone would turn down the possiblity of a strong friendship with anyone...despite age, sex, race, color. im not asking for an answer
that just stood out at me"
he wrote...
"you make an interesting point... I have been putting up walls when it comes to ages and races... it's not something that makes me feel good.."
But to be honest I am sad. I'm somewhat hurt but know I can't interalize it. It just makes me wonder about boys and if I will find one.
I honestly feel like I try my fucking hardest to be the best person I can be.I try to be conscience of other people. At my age I truly feel like I have made huge steps and it backfires. Its painful, yet I'm trying not to feel all the pain.
Whatever, now I just want to be back with you guys in Victoria. *tear*
I just got done taking my Psychology of Gender exam. Whatever. That's all I have to say. The professor and I have had arguments both inside and outside the classroom. We have worked things out but I'm still a bit bitter. She is so god damn wordy in both writings and verbal communication. It is absurd.
There is this really cute professor though...:) aww he's just so cute.
Yum.
The gym I joined has been nicknamed "the gay bathhouse." I guess there are a lot of gay hotties that work out there. Darn. Up the block from the gym is a strip joint and the guy who lives below me said that is where all the strippers work out! Good times.
I've been in a pretty good mood since returning from my trip. I like life. EXPECT, I had to work at Pottery Barn last night and it was not fun. Today the district manager is coming for a visit so everything had to be cleaned and looking perfect. Well, I had to dust. Fine. But I had to dust all the shelves with the dishes on them. They told me to take off ALL the dishes and dust. FUCK THAT. I went in between the first row of dishes and said screw it. I guess you can say I hated life then.
I'm off to my gender class....wish me luck.
I joined the gym! Yay! I went today and worked out for 30 minutes. Just so you know I almost passed out! I had to leave! haha. But give me 2 weeks and I will be on the cover of YOUR favorite mag! I'm meeting with the personal trainer guy on Saturday...hope he's cute!! ;)
Oh goodness it was to see all of you. Joy is so not an air head. Buy Ben drinks and he gets called fat. Michael, I just love Michael. :)
Nothing really new.
So, I'm back though you didn't know I ever left. I went to get ice cream with a friend....yay! I'm like on speed or something because I'm like wow. I think it is from the endorphins from working out...like yeah.
I bought a Sonicare Toothbrush! I'm sooooo excited. It was like a lot of money. I'm like going to brush my teeth in bed and like orgasm. How fun! I like can't wait to brush and stroke brush and stroke. Holy shit I'm like naughty. I really don't know. I have not had any sort of substance today and am like high! high on life.............! why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly???
well, im not high so poof.