I have to say that I will be looking forward to being back in Denver tomorrow night. We are in Pennsalvyina(not sure how to spell it) now visting some family friends whom have recently moved out here. We will be heading back to New York tomorrow for our flight.
My sister has graduated and is a master...:) She and Aaron are off to Mexico on Wednesday for a week of relaxing before she gets to work and begins to plan her wedding.
New York is an amazing city. We saw a few shows, "The Producers" and an off off broadway show "My Big Gay Itialin Wedding." That one was okay....I know why it was off off Broadway.
Well, I'm going to be off. We are going to head out to my moms cousins house for dinner and I we are all resting a bit before hand. Hope all is well.
Oh yeah! Aaron and I got back together. However, the following night I had a talk with him and I told him that I was unsure how I felt. I don't know what to do. We are going to talk again when I get back to Denver. We both know that whatever we have would only be a summer thing. But I don't know if it is worth it.
Aaron and I are dating again...
I'm confused.
Narrow daylight entered my room
Shining hours were brief
Winter is over
Summer is near
Are we stronger than we believe?
I walked through halls of reputation
Among the infamous too
As the camera clings to the common thread
Beyond all vanity
Into a gaze to shoot you through
Is the kindness we count upon
Hidden in everyone?
I stepped out in a sunlit grove
Although deep down I wished it would rain
Washing away all the sadness and tears
That will never fall so heavily again
Is the kindness we count upon
Hidden in everyone
I stood there in the salt spray air
Felt wind sweeping over my face
I ran up through the rocks to the old
wooden cross
It's a place where I can find some peace
Narrow daylight entered my room
Shining hours were brief
Winter is over
Summer is near
Are we stronger than we believe?
I was hanging out with my best friend Kirstin tonight when my cell phone rang, it was Aaron. I was happy to hear from him, he had just gotten into Denver that evening. Kirstin is house sitting so I was at that house which was on the other side of downtown, and Kirstin and I were just talking. We asked Aaron if he wanted to meet us at Starbuck and he did. It was nice to see him and hear some of his stories... yet, I find myself confused. I don't know my feelings about him. We are going to see each other tomorrow which will be cool. I'm just glad that I have him has my friend at this point. I have a feeling he and I will be end up having "the talk" about our realtionship sometime soon.
I miss you guys.
Just got back from work and am trying not to go back to sleep. Though I'm sure I will end up taking a nap since I have to be back at work at one, plus I don't have anything else to do. I rented some movies last night so I will put in one of those and fall asleep.
My family and I are headed to New York on Wednesday for my sister’s graduation. We are going to spend a few days in the city then head to Pennsylvania to see some family friends. It should be a nice trip.
The remolding to the house is almost done! It will be nice to finally be in a house that feels put together.
I bought a cd of the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir yesterday and let me tell you, it is so cool! It has around 240 voices and it sounds awesome! I was blasting it in the car yesterday with the windows down. However, I had to laugh at myself since people could hear "Praise Jesus" and "He has saved me!" Oh well! haha.
I need some answers! This is going to be a venting post about me and stupid self who seems to push every single boy away. What is it about me? Huh? Tell me...because I would like to know! Is it that i'm intimadating for some reason? Too young maybe? What?
He just singed back online....maybe he might say something. He said he was going to call me sometime...i mean we went on a date and had a good time. he was the one saying that we should get together later on in the week.... maybe it was just some sort of line...maybe i'm just too dumb and didn't get it. the thing is i find myself...i don't even know what i find myself... why do i get so fucking wraped up in such shit. i though coming out was supposed to make things eaiser. ha. bull shit. i found that out long ago. but what is it about me that pushes every single person i might find attractive away? i don't know! i can't blame it all on the other person because wow, it takes two and i know i have something in this too. tell me because to be honest its causing more hurt in me then i need. i hate it. i hate boys. i hate this part of life. i just want to go and do something. but with who?! good question because the majority of my good friends are either away at school or in another fukcing country. i hate the gay cultre shit. i don't know if i should try and send me an message thing.....i don't want to seem pushy. maybe i come off too strong for people at first and it scares them away? maybe its my personality... fuck i don't know... i just need to figru it out because its pissing me off....and making me feel dumb. then i begin to feel dumb about meeting someone onlione and possibly liking him. whatever. io just need to get over that fact and deal. fjweiofjweiohjfioqwehjfioe whatever. i don't acrfe about speell shecking this post fuck it. whatever. i don't know., i just don't know. i think that it a fine answer to thigns. I DON"T KNWO! it came be a form of denail i suppose but what can;t? thank god im going to see my therapist tomorrow.. i think im just going to sit down and talk...something intresting must come out of my going on and on... i just hope i don't bore him...ahh fuck!
Oh, the great fucking joy I have of working with children! Argh! Today was a full day out, meaning that the kids had no school. Which of course meant we offered full day care. To be honest, it was not that bad since we only had six children. However, this is just the beginning of many upon many stories you will read about dealing with my summer and the wonderful world of the YMCA!
I arrive at the Y at 6:33am with the understanding that I have a 10 to 12 hour day ahead of me. No kids arrive until 7:00am so I put in The Lion 2 to entertain myself, while I was praying that no kids would show up. I guess God didn't hear my prayer. This boy arrives who is a kindergartner and can't really talk well. He just mumbles and of course I smile and nod. Today he was quite talkative and wanted to show me the extra pair of underpants his mom put in his backpack incase of an accident. Oh joy. We sit and watch the movie. Time passes by...slowly I might add. The woman I'm working with is at another site until 9:30 so it was just me and the kids. The morning went by fine. We went on a little field trip and to some parks near by.
Skip forward to snack time. This girl, whom I will call Amie, is rather on the heavier side and has a "bladder problem" has her dad said. Great I think to myself. Well, everyday she stinks. I don't mean like you smell it but it eventually goes away. Oh no. It's the kind of stink that you can and will taste. It is just gross. Well, I noticed that the smell was pretty bad. I pull her aside and I said
"Amie, did you have an accident?" she looks at me dumbfounded. "Its okay if you did. I'm not mad and you are not in trouble. I just need to know." She shakes her head yes.
"Do you know when it happened? Was it at lunch? At the park? Just now?"
Asking those questions didn't help since she shook her head yes to all of them!
"Did your dad pack an extra pair of pants today? Go get them and go change." She does and when she comes back out I say very kind and gently that "you are not in trouble, but if you have to go just tell us and we will take you right away. Or if you have an accident come tell us and we can help."
SHE HAD TO BE SITTING IN THE STANK FOR AT LEAST 3 HOURS! EW!
But to help you have a better image of this girl picture this.
We are at the park and she was playing in the sand and got her hands dirty. Its now time for lunch and we are not by a washroom to wash hands. Oh well. Well, Amie is eating her lunch along with playing with her gum with her dirty hands, shaping the gum into shapes and stretching it out. I asked if she is going to put it back in her month. Duh Mr. Brandon! Why would you waste a piece of gum? However, when we get back to the Y we watch another movie. I see her picking her nose and eating her boogers! With the same piece of gum in her mouth! Why?! That is just gross. And the summer has not even begun yet!
Overall, she is a good kid. I do enjoy working with them but I will have stories upon stories.
Really. I do like working with them. I do. Really. I'm not kidding. I do...
The problem I was having posting blogs just came to me! We have this top of the line Norton thing that does not allow a lot of things. So, when I sign onto gay.com for example I have to turn this thing off. I thought I would give that a try and see if it would work for negativespace, and it did. Good. I'm glad.
I'm bored.
I just for a drive and got coffee along with a new book, CivilWars: A Battle For Gay Marriage. I'm looking forward to reading it.
I don't have much to say now expect that I want a boyfriend.
:-(