inbetween

All I want to do today is quit school and become a photographer. There isn't really a reason behind it at all. Things are going fairly well; classes are interesting.

I just don't want to do it anymore.

Spent the morning waking up with a beautiful man, then paid a bunch of bills. Now I'm off to school, a math class, an "Advanced Algebra" class.

I feel less lost in the class than I thought I would. I've not taken any calculus in eight years, but the concepts seem to be sinking in quite well. I even managed to get the homework done a day early last week, AND answered all the questions.

There's a cool girl in the class, Chris, who seems a little panicy about everything. We worked on the assignment together! I have a math friend.

Later today, I'll be going to my last ever Pride Collective meeting. *sniff* The place seems to be a great success these days. I'm really glad that I could bring it to where it is, but someone else will be able to take it even further. I've lost interest and direction with it, and after eight years, I'm ready to walk away once and for all.

And they already gave me a card!

From CNN:

Sweet! Caffeinated, ginseng beer - Oct. 5, 2004

Anheuser-Busch's new brew created to compete with drinks popular in clubs.
October 5, 2004: 11:14 AM EDT

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Brewer Anheuser-Busch says it will introduce a caffeinated, sweet-flavored beer for twentysomething club goers to compete with the flavored rums and vodkas gaining ground on the dance floor.

Wow. I don't know if I'm horrified or not.

But it wasn't a clean break. It was so damn close, I could just taste it.

Ah well, it is over, and that is the important bit. I've handed in my keys, let people know that I'm not responsible, and al lthat other stuff.

I'm not the chair any more. It isn't my organization. I do like where it is headed.

I know each and every person on my Messenger list in real life, with one exception. I don't even remember the last time I spoke with that person. How s?he got on my list is a complete mystery to me. Back in the day (I seem to have lots of days back then), I was a big IRC person, and might have added h(im|er) as part of a conversation. I just don't remember.

Looking through the old email, chat logs, and files doesn't seem to help. I must have known this person before 1996, when I changed computers and didn't keep the old archives. Yes, I do have every email, chat log, and revision of every file archived back to 1996. I'm a big nerd that way.

I just moved the mouse, and found:
grace says: (10:08:04 PM)   micheal
grace says: (10:08:08 PM)   michael
grace says: (10:08:12 PM)   i am scared
I'm Free! says: (10:32:31 PM)   oh?
The following message could not be delivered:   oh?
I'm Free! says: (10:32:35 PM)   who are you?
The following message could not be delivered:   who are you?

I wonder if it has anything at all to do with me not being a babysitter furniture anymore. I could see that.

Then again, there's always the shrubbery running things into the ground down south. That melon head frightens me.

Anyone wanna own up to it? Anyone know who **deleted** with a hotmail address is? Anyone better at the google than I am? I didn't try very hard.

Newsday.com - AP Technology

China Offers Rewards for Reporting Porn
By Associated Press
October 10, 2004, 5:52 PM EDT

BEIJING -- China's police ministry on Sunday handed out rewards of up to $240 to people who reported pornographic Web sites in a campaign to stamp out online smut, the government said.

I could be rich, I tell you. I could snitch on online porn. I see it everywhere. Well, not everywhere. And not since I stopped using Windows. And not at any of the sites I surf on a regular basis. Sure, there are bookmarks and stuff...

I could still be rich, I tell you!

The wine was surprisingly easy to put into bottles. I thought there'd be more mess, more exploding corks, and perhaps even some fire. Sadly, everything went off as planned. In six weeks to six months, we should have some wonderfully drinkable wine!

And now I've got three carboys just begging to be used again. What should I make next? Some ideas I've been pondering:

• Mead -- wine made with honey instead of grapes.
• Apple wine -- apparently a very easy fruit wine.
• Cranberry Wine -- probably very sour, would be good to add a little cinnamon.
• Rubarb, strawberry, blackberry, any cheapo-bleapo fruit -- easy? I hope so.

Human For Sale - Results -

You are worth exactly $1,711,040.00

my phone calls it pushi.
I think pushii looks better.

Anglican church leaders urged to express regrets over same-sex controversy

WebPosted Oct 18 2004 04:16 PM PDT

VANCOUVER - An Anglican commission is asking diocese in North America to express regret for the pain caused to conservative members over the same-sex union issue.

I'm tired of being told that I am different, that I don't have (or don't deserve) the right to marry the person I love. The feelings I have are not "perverse" as so many of those conservative members have stated.

Asking clergy who favour same sex marriage blessings to appologize to those offended by the idea is insulting.

You're Marilyn Monroe!


What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm lucky. I've a lovely lover who who loves me.

Even though I'm sick, he still loves me. He kisses me even through the plague that is firmly lodged in my ears, and other glandy bits. Icky.

He came over, and brought some brie, some bread, some wine. He rubbed my shoulders and back and made me feel better.

Damn, I'm lucky.

I've felt like this before. This is the stressed out feeling, the "I've got too much to do right now, but I'm doing it all, poorly."

I don't like this feeling. Something must change. Heads won't roll, toenails will be clipped, and decisions will be made.

I must prioritize (I hate that word with a passion. I want it all!) my activities. It is time to figure out how to do well in my classes. Or at least better.

The bottom line: taking five classes was a stupid idea. I can see that now. If I drop one or two electives, then I'll be able to take electives in the summer, and graduate in August. I don't like that idea. I don't like it at all, but I would rather enjoy my last year at university.

So that's it. I'm going to drop a class. Maybe two. I just can't do five classes. My health can't handle the stress.

I'd like to do anything else right now, anything that doesn't involve calculus.

There's a midterm tomorrow for which I am not prepared. I understand the terms, definitions, theorems, and propositions. I can integrate and differentiate, when I've got the book directly in front of me.

I just can't do it otherwise. I've done the practise test twice, odds aren't so good right now.

I started reading the Windsor Report 2004 today, but had to put it down. It angers me, in no small way.

I'm going to have to write an analysis of the report, I think. I wonder when I'll have time to do it.

http://windsor2004.anglicancommunion.org/index.cfm

I need a desk that supports both a laptop and a desktop computer. I think that means that I need two desks. I definitely need another power supply and some more room.

Now I'm going to stop procrastinating and do some calculus.

Stephen Soderbergh describes The Limey (1999, dir. Soderbergh) as a movie about memory, although one could just as easily describe it as a movie about fantasy.

The movie opens with cuts of Wilson (played by Terrance Stamp) on an airplane, in a hotel room, and in a taxi. The editing is disjointed, although Wilson is always shot from the same angle on the plane.

Jump cuts are used throughout the movie to reinforce the feeling of fantasy. By deliberatly removing the mundane portions of tense scenes and breaking the continuity of movement, the viewer's imagination is left fill in the details. Some scenes are presented intentionally lacking in continuity, to give us the impression that the entire story is taking place inside Wilson's imagination.

Terry Valentine gives a speech to his girlfriend near the begining of the movie:

Did you ever dream about a place you never really recall being to before? A place that maybe only exists in your imagination? Some place far away, half remembered when you wake up. When you were there, though, you knew the language. You knew your way around. That was the sixties.

The cinematography was unbalanced. In the begining of the movie, there are some beautiful, artistic shots (Wilson walking infront of a brick wall, ala Reservoir Dogs). As the movie progresses, the cinematography becomes dull and boring, almost predictable. There are a few interesting shots near the end of the movie, but not enough to compensate for the middle's deficiency.

I kept thinking of Terrance Stamp's other films, and how they contrast with this performance. As General Zod in Superman II (1988, dir. Richard Lester) he plays a very strong, very evil supervillan bent on conquest. In The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (1994) he plays an equally powerful transexual. Wilson, on the other hand, is a second rate criminal with a soft spot. Wilson isn't nearly as strong, or as scary as Bernadette.

I'm not sure I liked it. The editing got a little too gimicky, and Valentine's speech gave away the point of the movie without any subtlety. In another scene, a semi-crooked cop lays a portion of the plot and gives Wilson all the information he needs, reminding me of a bad Star Trek: The Next Generation episode. Such obvious expository scenes remove the challenge and enjoyment from the movie, and make it seem like the director and writer couldn't think of a better way to get the characters into the next scene.

I've spend too much time lately studying Linear Algebra.

I find it absolutely fascinating, interesting and understandable. Problem is, I've got a midterm tomorrow morning.

And we're only doing numerical linear algebra (ie. linear algebra with a computer and the round off errors inherent in computer math.) which is a little easier and less abstract.

I've spent so much time on it that I think I'm going to go insane. Or perhaps I'll do well in the course! That would be cool too.