The NSA today denied investigating the connection between American children and Claus, also known as Father Christmas.
The National Security Agency has already admitted to spying on Americans without official warrants, as authorized by the President. It had been assumed that only American adults were the targets of the illegal wiretapping.
A source has leaked that, as of today, the Post Office will be turning over every letter to Claus to be read, indexed, and searched. Children with suspected ties to the man in the red suit will be investigated, interviewed, and possibly detained without dinner.
Parents will not be contacted prior to the children, nor will they be allowed any contact with the suspects.
"Investigating our nation's children for potential terrorist ties is in our children's best interest," said the Vice President yesterday. "Our nation's children are not to be trusted, given the obvious contact they have with the traitor Claus."
"I'm glad I that my family doesn't celebrate the Christian holidays, my children have been kept safe," said Mohamad Azim, a resident of New York. Azim, an immigrant from North Africa, credited his family's faith in Islam.